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  • Adrianne Grayson

Losing Control


Heyyyyyyy mommies!

I have come to the conclusion that my consistency and heart is way more important than perfection.

So I am writing this post not to preach, but to give insight to what I have recently discovered. (Like yesterday lol)

So just say “Amen” if you agree lol

So ever since I became a true work-from-home-mom with no other focus then my print business and my kiddos and hubby, things were so great!

I was excited to become super focused on what and who I loved but things just didn’t seem to come together like I wanted them to...

Not physically but emotionally...it seemed that I began dealing with depression on and off each week. It was crazy to me and I did not understand how to keep it together.

I have always been one to “see the best” or to “find the joy” so this weird season of me not being able to stay up beat was so foreign to me

and it actually probably made my emotions more of a rollercoaster situation.

At first I tried to handle it myself and then I realized that ‘ok humans are on this planet to interact with one another”. Duh.

We have this weird thing in America that the “weaker” you are the “weaker” you are.

There is no room for weakness in our world and any hint of weakness means ultimate failure is on the horizon.

Why are we so desperate to run ourselves in the ground just to look great to the “Joneses” and not even feel great about ourselves inside?

So I decided to talk to the hubs, talk to a few friends, talk to Jesus...then finally I felt the cloud lifting...

I was like yes! This is the answer!

But then a couple weeks later I started to feel the cloud coming overheard once again.


At this point I just succumbed to the simple fact that I needed a break. My family was coming in from out of town and that was the perfect time for me to BREATHE.

And breathe I did.

It was great to watch movies, have clean up help, go get our nails done, and take random Starbucks trips.

I was super sad to see them leave but I truly felt that God had sent them to be my therapy from the grind of the transition of working outside of the home to working inside the home.

I was ready!

Since I was ready, my mind was finally clear.

A new slate I had acquired.

From my rest but also from the freshness of a new year.

New girl boss breath I breathed and with this new breath came truth.

And the truth is, is that the entire time God was like “Hey Adrianne...you are horrible at this control thing...so I’ve placed in your immense desire to work from home this growth that MUST come for you to remain sane, but more so for you to become a BOSS.”

IWWIWAWIWI

“I want what I want when and where I want it”

I don’t really want growth, what I really want is for millions to roll into my family’s bank account while I play with my kiddos.

But why don’t I want growth...because growth seems to be a waste of time. My sense and need for control is needed to be successful.

But in truth the wisdom of letting go and focusing on what is actually needed to get things done is where the true path to EXCELLENCE lies.

Sometimes that focus needs to be on SLEEP.

Sometimes that focus is the mess that needs to be cleaned up so that you can have peace of mind.

Sometimes that focus is planning your week ahead so that you can have a clearer path to maximize the time that you are given to get it done!

Sometimes that focus is on watching Trolls for the 1000th time with your little one because in actuality it IS a cute movie.

Is control your beast?

Roar back at that monster in only a way that a mom can and get a cup of coffee, write in your journal or call a friend.

Because who has time to be ruled by something other than the joy and passion you have been given in being a mom?

I don’t and I’m sure you don’t either.

Until next week!

Adrianne


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